The Hardest Part

Right now, the hardest part about it all is not knowing when I'm gonna see him again :( I don't have anything to look forward to right now. I just want a freakin countdown..is that too much to ask?!? Maybe I should just countdown the next 3 years when he'll be home in the states for good..in that case, only 2 years & 9 months, or 33 months! Effff..that's a long freakin time!

Yesterday we got to talk almost all day, which is something that has only happened maybe a couple of times since he's been in Japan! It was so great to talk to him & he was being so sweet :) But talking about things we were gonna do when were together again just makes me sad bc I don't know when thats gonna be.. But on a happier note, he told me when he fell for me..it's cute so now I have to share the story..

The night we met, we spent all night talking & my best friend & I ended up staying at the house bc she was dating one of Matt's best friends at the time. The next morning, she went to go warm up her car but it ran out of gas! We needed someone to take us to the gas station so we asked Matt & he agreed! We got the gas & went back to the house, where he had to help us put it in bc neither of us knew how! When we were leaving, I gave him a hug & a small kiss goodbye & Kamay goes, "Hey, maybe now you'll get a second date!" Well he got that second date & a lot more dates as well! Haha
He told me it was the next morning after we met that he fell for me! I asked him why bc it was a really random time.. He said it was bc he barely knew me, yet he was willing to go out of his way to help me! He knew then that he had fallen for me :)

This was him helping us put gas in the car! Did I mention is was freakin cold? Yep..middle of January, early on a Sunday morning & this guy his helping us put gas in our car! If I hadn't fallen for him the night before, this def would have been it! :)

One Year Down: Looking back..

I've officially been a Navy girlfriend exactly a year, as of today! One year ago today, October 27, 2010, my boyfriend, Matt, left for bootcamp.. I still remember that day like it was yesterday!

On the day he left Springfield to go to Kansas City for MEPS before leaving for bootcamp, I went up to the recruiting office with his two best friends, Kyle & Brittany, and his dad. When I hugged him goodbye, he told me I couldn't cry yet..& I didn't! Later that day after I got out of classes, his friend Brittany & I drove the 3 hours to Kansas City and had dinner with him! We went to this amazing chinese restaurant & walked around the outdoor mall for a lil bit! When we got back to my car, I realized I had locked my keys in the car & he was pissed! We had to wait for security to open my car & he was late getting back to the hotel..I don't think he got in trouble tho! After we dropped him off, Brittany & I drove about 30 minutes & stayed with her uncle. The next morning, we went to MEPS & sat with Matt as he waited! I was a total mix of emotions! I was sad, excited, nervous, anxious, depressed..you name it, I probably felt it that day! We watched him get sworn in again & just got to sit & talk with him all day! I thought he was still mad at me about the night before but then he grabbed my hand & just held it..I wanted to cry! One thing I'll never forget is Brittany & I left & got food from Wendy's & brought it back for Matt & us..we had soooooo much food & everyone was so jealous! After lunch, we had a coupla more hours of just sitting, then they called his name. He went to go do something, then the next thing we know, he's lining up at the door! We ran over there & gave him quick hugs & thats it..I didn't even get to give him a kiss goodbye :( When I walked out to my car, he text me "kiss, kiss, goodbye I love you" & I couldnt help but tear up..but I had a 3 hour drive back to Springfield so I had to hold myself together! Once I dropped Brittany off in town, I lost it! I just started bawling & I found myself at his best friend Kyle's apartment.. The rest of the night & the next day, I was a complete mess!

This is my favorite picture of us from the night before he left for bootcamp! This was in Kansas City at Yogurtini..we were just being goofy & taking pictures & the people working there were laughing! :)

Crazy to think that was a year ago! & I just want to say that Matt & I both have come sooooo far since then! A year ago today, I didn't know how to define our relationship. A year ago today, I didn't think I could go more than like a day without talking to him. A year ago today, I didn't think I'd ever be able to go more than a week without seeing him. A year ago today, I didn't know I could ever be this proud!
Bootcamp really changed Matt for the good! He's become somewhat more mature & responsible (haha)! But most of all, he changed towards me! It was in bootcamp that Matt realized just how much he cared about me & loved me & that's when he realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me!!! :) Our relatipnship has done a complete 180 since he left for bootcamp a year ago!
As for me, bootcamp, and everything since then, has made me so much stronger! Yesterday I saw this quote & I put it on my facebook but it's so true.. "You never know just how strong you really are until being strong is your only option!" It is so true! I'm so much stronger than I was a year ago today! Last year when he left for bootcamp, if someone would have told me that a year from that day he would be in Japan, I probably would have freaked out! But look at me now..we're three months into his 3 year duty in Japan & while I still have my hard days, we're kickin butt! Over the last year, I've learned what's really important in a relationship. I've learned how to value each minute spent with him, each kiss, each phone calls, each message I get from him. Memories get me through the hard times, & looking forward to the future help as well! I've learned to keep busy & stay positive, even when all I wanna do is lay in bed & cry (like today)! I don't have all the answers, but I'd like to think that I'm starting to figure things out! I'm looking forward to next year, to see how far I've come even since today..

ONE YEAR DOWN.. :)

Trick-or-Treat?

I've been so busy with work & school lately that I really don't go out that often anymore. Last night was the first night I went out in almost a month.. I was so excited to go out but once I got there, I remembered why I don't like going to parties anymore.. I feel so distant from everybody.. I feel like everybody has their somebody, except me..& it just makes me miss Matt soooooo much more than what I already do.. I'm 19..I don't want to turn into a homebody yet but I hate this feeling.. Maybe I need to make some new friends & start going out with different people? I'm not saying I'm gonna drop these friends or anything but maybe make some friends that don't always remind me of Matt? I don't know..

Last night was a costume party.. I went as an eskimo! But with Halloween approaching, I've been thinking.. Matt & I have not shared a Halloween together yet & we wont until we're married.. We met in Jan. 2010 & he left in Oct. 2010 for bootcamp, just 4 days before Halloween! I know Halloween isn't really a big deal & I know that if he were here, the thought wouldn't even cross my mind but it's the fact that he's not here & that he wont be here for the next 4 years & I can't help but think about it.. It's crazy to think that we wont spend our first Halloween together until we've been together for 5, almost 6 years..

This was my costume from last night :)

He Always Knows Just What to Say..

The following conversation is from last night & this morning via fb message with me & Matt..

Me: Have you started saving for when I come over there?!? I'm asking bc while I have been saving, I feel like I'm getting no where.. I have about $500 in savings but that's all from the checks I got back from school.. I have yet to put any money from my paychecks into savings.. I havent even gotten paid yet & already my check I'll get Saturday is already gone.. I have to make my car payment & pay rent.. I was supposed to move hom this weekend over fall break but with being sick & working, it hasn't happened.. It's already the middle of the month so I need to pay them rent & since I'm gonna be paying rent, I might as well stay here the rest of the month.. It's just stressing me out & I'm feeling really discouraged.. :/

Matt: i have saved a little bit.. i'm trying to pay off my credit card and save at the same time and its a lil hard..

Me: Yea I know..with each paycheck, by the time I pay what bills I have & put gas in my car & get only the necessary things I need, I have very little to live off of for a week or two & I have nothing to put into savings.. Its really frustrating! But hopefully in the spring, I should be getting a check or two back from MSU which will really help out & once I move back home, I'll be able to start saving more! Hopefully it all works out money wise..I don't wanna have to wait any longer to see you..

Matt: i know it sucks.. i'm makin like 800+ every two weeks and its still hard to save

Me: That's way more than I'm making..I'm only making like 300 every two weeks.. Right now, I really feel like I'm never gonna see you :( I'm picking up extra shifts when I can but I'm already working like 5-6 shifts a week & I'm trying so hard to keep up in school..its all just really starting to stress me out :(

Matt: just keep calm its gonna be alright.. honestly it would probly just be cheaper for me to come home and see you for now and you come to me in a year or two when we have more money

There's more to the conversation but this is just the little bit I wanted to share.. I tend to stress a little too much & right now, I'm crazy stressed! I'm stressed with school, moving back home, bills, saving to go see him, & I'm sure there's more..but with just a few simple words, he made me feel so much better! I was crying when I was writing those message to him this morning & i had just stopped crying when he said 'just keep calm its gonna be alright' but when I read those words, I started crying again..only this time, they were tears of relief!!! He always knows just what to say, right when I need it the most, even though he's halfway across the world! Pretty much, its decided that he's going to come home in the spring, probably April or May, meaning I get to see him in 6-7 months, rather than 7-9 months!!!!!!!!!! & I don't feel financially stressed! We're both going to keep saving & I'm going to go to Japan sometime when we both have more money..hopefully next summer! I really feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders this morning, all thanks to my favorite redhead! I love that boy so much :)

From the Beginning..

I guess I should start out by introducing myself before I start..
My name is Beth & I'm 19 years old! I'm a sophmore at Missouri State University & I'm an Athletic Training major, with possibly a Spanish minor? After I graduate in 4 years, I'm not sure what exactly I wanna do as far as grad school goes..but I've recently been considering going to PA school & becoming a physician's assitant, preferably working with an orthopedic specialist or a sports medicine doctor! But enough about me.. I was inspired to create this blog by two fellow Navy girlfriends, as I am a Navy girlfriend as well! I want something that I can reflect on things, and something that I can look back on to see how far I've come.. So let's start at the beginning..

I started out my senior year of high school dating a complete loser. In October, he cheated on me & it was over. Two days later, this guy I had met in the spring text me & we started talking. He was leaving in just a couple of weeks for Army basic but he was a good distraction from everything. When he left, I wasn't exactly sure where we stood but even though he wrote me letters and everything, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex and knew that this thing with Mr. Army guy was going no where. I told myself right then that I could never date anyone in the military.. Fast foward a few months to January, second semester of my senior year.. My best friend at the time had been begging me for a coupla months to come out to parties with her (she was a year older than me).. Finally after an especially hard week (finals & oh yea, I'd seen my ex for the first time since we'd broken up that week) I finally agreed to go out with her! On the way to the party, she told me about this guy she wanted me to meet. I didn't know what to think. When we got there, she introduced me to this scrawny, kinda goofy looking redhead, whose name (or nickname) was Red. He said hi but that was really about it..we didn't talk much. Later that night when we were laying in bed talking, I go 'Red is cute.' She was like ha, I know you'd like him! It was so weird though bc I had never thought a redheaded guy was cute before.. The next night, I went out with her again! This time, I dressed up a little more than the night before! We went to one house & I barely talked to Red. Then we went to another house.. We started out not really talking but then Kamay (my bestie at the time) started to play middle man.. While she was doing that, this creepy guy came up to me & kept trying to get me to dance.. I'm telling him I don't dance when Red comes up to me & takes my hand.. When I ask him where we're going, he replied 'were dancing' & all I said was 'ok!' After that, we were inseperable the rest of the night! We went to another house later that night & the whole time we were there, he sat & talked to me! One girl who'd been watching us for a while came up to me & was like 'Sorry if he's being an asshole' & when I told her he wasn't, her jaw just dropped! He has a reputation for being an asshole but he was so sweet & nice to me.. Instead of playing 20 questions that night, we played 20000000 questions! During that night, I found out he was in the process of joining the Navy. A few months before that night, I told myself I'd never date a military man, but it was too late..I'd already started to fall for this guy I'd only known for less than 24 hours.. The next morning, my best friend's car ran out of the gas so Red got up & drove us to the gas station..he totally saved our butts! Kamay told him now he was guarenteed a second date..& that's exactly what he got!
The next weekend, it snowed ALOT & him & his brother came over to my house & played in the snow! He met my mom after only knowing me for a week! Haha After that, I would spend almost every weekend night with him & Kamay & Kamay's boyfriend at the time, who is one of Matt's (Red's real name!) best friends! We dated, unofficially, for five months after we met! He went to Prom with me & went to my graduation & met all of my family at my  graduation dinner! However, a coupla weeks after that, we ended things..& that's when I knew I loved him..
We ended things bc he finally had his orders to ship out to bootcamp the end of October & even though it was just the beginning of June, he said he didnt want to prolong anything that was going to happen anyways.. He said he still wanted to be friends & hang out.. It all killed me! When someone asks me when I knew I loved him, looking back at it, I tell them it was when he broke up with me the first time.. I know now thats why it hurt so bad.. I'd been cheated on & that didnt hurt as bad as it did when Matt & I ended things after unofficially dating for 5 months.. But I'll never forget what he said to me..he told me, "I really think you could be the girl for me, but we just met at the wrong time." It told him that if was meant to be then it would find a way.. Anyways, a few weeks later, we were pretty much back together, just in time for my birthday! Then a coupla weeks later, we ended things again, for the same reason.. Then a coupla weeks later, we were pretty much back together..then a coupla weeks later, we ended things again..& this time he said it was for good!
About a month passed & even though we had still stayed friends, I was seriously about to just give up on him & let him go.. I figured it would never be.. But thats when it all changed! Usually I was the one to initiate everything but right after school started, he went on vacation with his family & he text me every single day, which is something that hadn't happened all summer.. When he got home, things were different! We ended up getting back together, but once again werent official.. About a month after getting back together, he started talking about ending things bc he only had a month left.. I told him I didn't wanna talk about it right then..& we never talked about it again!
When he left for bootcamp, we were still officially together! But when I got my first letter from him, I was scared to death to read it! I thought for sure he was going to break up with me since that was the plan from the beginning.. instead, I got just the opposite! Every letter I got from him while he was in bootcamp was full of 'I miss you's & 'I love you's.. it was so sweet! I went to his bootcamp graduation & that afternoon while we were at the mall, he changed his facebook status to 'In a Relationship w/ Beth Cantu' I was soooooo happy..& that night in the hotel room was probably one of the best nights of my life..
Now, here we are, almost 10 months later! We've been through bootcamp, A-school, & now, Matt is stationed overseas in Japan! It's not easy but somehow, this whole experience has made our relationship so much.. I honestly don't know where we would be had Matt not left for bootcamp when he did..

Seeing as how I just wrote you a novel, & it's after 2am, I'm going to leave you with that for now.. I just thought I'd start my story off at the beginning..even though the beginning is just a little long.. It's kinda funny..I never know what to say to people when they ask how long Matt & I have been together.. We met in Jan. 2010 & officially started dating Dec. 22, 2010..that's almost an entire years difference!!! haha So you be the judge of how long we've been together.. :)

I thought it'd be fun to leave you with two pictures.. This is the first picture we have together, taken in March 2010..& in case you were wondering, yes, he is wearing my sunglasses!

& this is the last picture we have together, taken in July 2011! We took this picture in his room, the morning he left for Japan :( Look at how grown up he looks in the second picture, compared to the first! Haha